Another Does Of Hazelnut Coffee

Remember
Tuesday, August 29, 2006

I was watching a rerun of Judging Amy. The Grays were in the airport, saying farewell to Vincent. I noticed that a Tori Amos song was playing in the background. It made me smile, remembering you. Remember.

Is remembering the opposite of forgetting? That is how we use it, as something we recall that before was 'lost'. That is at least lost in relation to the so put looser. But, if forgetting Is the opposite of remembering than that would mean I forgot about you. ...? Not, that I just wasn't thinking about you, or is it just that? That one what one isn't thinking about is forgotten or not at all, 'cause the unforgotten is still somewhere in ones subconscious? With so much left open to ponder and without an answer on one level or another does that leave Remember, and variations of the word to added to, goodbye (a story of its own),the everyday word that I do not want to use. That's not to say that I don't use it, 'cause I do notice myself slip. But I am aware - more after the fact but it is a start. I don't know. The synonyms: call back, call up, commemorate, commend, recall, recollect, remind, retrieve, reward, think, think back, think of - don't ring the same. So I guess for now I'll keep remembering, 'cause I do remember you. And even though you may not always be on my mind I have not forgotten you, any of you.

* Synonyms from http://www.rhymezone.com.

It's The Holding On
Friday, August 25, 2006

Yesterday, I was watching a rerun of Judging Amy, where Maxine told Amy, "It's not the letting go that hurts, it's the holding on." This couldn't be anymore true...

Last night, I went to a baseball game.

For now I'll leave it at that.

(November 3, 2008) P.S. But its also in the holding on that keeps the moment alive and the feeling of inspiration there empowering you on, it keeps spreading a smile across my face and it keeps filling me up in true comfort and happiness. I guess, all it comes down to is a balancing act.

I Will Fly Again!
Wednesday, August 16, 2006

The moments of pure bliss make everyday life seem meaning less. Yet, it's our everyday life that brings us together and creates the opportunity - brings the moments I long for. So unexplainable amazing and inspiring - still I am unable to place what it is that I love so much - to bring to words, to thoughts - what it is that gives me wings and the courage to slowly open - spread them out to soar. Back to everyday life, I'm left to close up even tighter than before and when I recall - drift away, to nowhere at all; to where the air smells of lavender, the ground feels of stone, to the place of great water, where the atmosphere is glorious and where people travel on wings. This, this is somewhere, and the only place I want to be. Even if it's the last thing I do, I will fly again!

Rubric Of Perception
Monday, August 14, 2006

How was it?

I reply but you question my three word answer, "It was fine." "That's all?" you inquire. Telling the truth while getting you to end the conversation I respond that I'm tired. It's the rubric you perceive my answer on. Yours doesn't match up with mine. You're looking for a good, I learned a lot, a specific detail, wonderful, great. My fine or ok doesn't express to you my intention. You don't perceive what I say from my perspective. You only relate it to yours.

To me what's Ok or Fine isn't an experience that's negative or positive. Simply one that happened, that I absorbed (I'll get to that later - or not). To you my Ok or Fine means the experience wasn't worth while, that I didn't gain anything, or at least that's how you make out to be to me. I say Ok or Fine when others say good. So, when I say Good, perhaps I should be saying excellent as I leave plenty of room along the rubric rating line between choosing to change my Ok or Fine to Good (or not so well - or whatever word choice I choose at the time that takes me into the negative side). This all brings me back around the circle to the question of my lack of expression. But I'll leave it here to turn around in bed while exhausted and yet unable to sleep as I lay a little warm in the dark bedroom on what is an actual pillow.

**After Note: Today someone received what I said through my Rubric Of Perception and related it to theirs. This made me smile. (April 28, 2007)

Todah

This past week I found myself extremely exhausted and yet unable to sleep. As, as I lay there a little cold in the dark dorm room on what was supposed to be a pillow, I found my head filling with thoughts. Explanations you could say... During the week's day's discussion repeatedly lead to the importance of reflection and the search for what one believes. As someone that's always taking it in and without many strong opinions (perhaps a lack of passion or perhaps not) it was nice (not really a word I like to use, but possibly it'll be perceived as the word I want and can't seem to place at the moment on your rubric of perceiving) to come to somewhat of a conclusion (a word worth debating), or more a sense of the message behind it all. --- I've always found journaling (keeping a dairy, a blog whatever word you want to give it) as something to be aspired or more something I admired in others. How one can write and have everything come together, the depth that's revealed and the emotions that one is able to express. My attempts to do so in the past haven't come to anything, but maybe this time it will, with my experience this past week and those of my other summers (as the summer is when one grows, truly lives, out of a daily routine life happens - ). Maybe this time because it also comes with immense inspiration. Only seven might be able to place the pieces together and so to you I raise my Hands in Todah (Heart, Scar, Tears, Stone, Water, Spirit, Body, Soul and all)

Sweet Dreams, Smiles and a Wonderful Day To All

Mirembe, Mirembe, Salaam, V'Shalom